Why talk to dogs?
Dogs don’t speak our language - or do they?
We all know dogs don’t speak English…..or Swedish….or German….or Japanese, right? And yet, many dog owners insist that their dog understands what “No” means. If you think about it, your dog probably knows what “wanna go outside?’, “wanna go for a walk (or a drive)?", or “do you want a treat?” means - along with so many other unspoken cues like picking up our keys, our shoes, the dog’s leash, opening the fridge, etc.
We teach dogs life skills and cues
Dogs are smart. Most people know that, even if they may sometimes say that their dog is “stupid”, “stubborn”, or “not very smart” . I have often heard or seen clients be genuinely surprised at how fast their dog learned a new skill. As a Dog Trainer, I have thankfully been able to give a lot of relief to dogs and their humans, and build closer bonds and help humans enjoy their dog more. That is what dog training is all about. That is what is satisfying about this occupation. Helping dogs and humans live happier lives together.
Teaching dogs new life skills is fun and meaningful to clients because we have been told that an untrained dog is troublesome and can lead to all kinds of behavior problems. As trainers, we then teach clients to redirect and ask for alternative or incompatible behaviors to help the dog learn ‘what to do instead’. And yes, it can be helpful in many immediate scenarios….when the puppy is play biting, when the dog jumps on everyone, or when the dog is barking while watching passersby at the window. REDIRECT every time….with a toy, a treat, or ask for an alternative behavior like Sit, Go To Your Spot, to Touch. Don’t get me wrong, I love especially Touch and Go To Your Spot - these two skills make a lot of sense and are very useful - they also seem to be something dogs actually enjoy doing!
Many new trainers, myself included when I first started out, eagerly get clients to buy in on purchasing packages of training sessions so we can teach the dog as many skills as possible…..just like classes where the dog learns a repertoire of fun cues/commands. We teach the dogs that putting the hind end on the floor is called ‘Sit’, putting your nose to the human hand is called ‘Touch’ and so on. In other words, we TALK to dogs when we teach them things. It’s interesting then, that many people stop there. It’s as if we only think they are capable of learning simple words and only in a formal training situation.
Dogs are smarter than we think
But dogs ARE smart. Smarter than we give them credit for. It seems like we humans only think about how intelligent they are when we are actively trying to teach them a cue or ‘command’. The fact is, dogs are learning ALL THE TIME, every moment of every day. They are learning from us, other animals, the environment, etc. They are watching everything we do, building associations non-stop. They are so attuned to OUR emotions as well.
If we talk in HAPPY TONES their whole body language changes. I have no doubt you have noticed this in your own dog. They become wiggly, curious, focused, intent on trying to understand what we are saying. They give us THEIR attention!! Test it right now!
Whenever we scold them or get annoyed, they may cower or look worried - or if on a walk we try to shout “NO!” or “STOP” whilst yanking them back on the leash, they get even more concerned and this may cause them to bark and lunge even more - because WE sound concerned about the ‘scary trigger’ too! In other words, they mirror our reaction by barking and lunging more.
Our dogs pick up on unintentional cues as well. Although we didn’t actively train them to understand what “do you wanna go for a walk/ride?” or “do you want to go outside?” mean, they quickly learn what these phrases mean by association (pairing the words with the action/consequence). So why should we not be taking this further?
Dogs constantly look for meanings and patterns
Dogs are always concerned in every new situation with “what does this mean? Is this an opportunity (something safe) for me (to get something I want) or is it pressure (stop me from getting something I want/enjoy? Is it something that can harm me?). Therefore, dogs look for patterns in what happens around them because patterns can help make them feel safe (if the consequence is desirable) or know that something is unsafe (if the consequence is undesirable). This helps them to predict what happens next. This is crucial, not only to the dog’s survival of course, but also to their learning in this life and for the generations to come!
Take the example again: The first time you ask your dog something - like, “do you want to go outside?'“ she will have no clue what that means on its own. Once you ask that question every time your dog looks at you or stands by the door and you then open the door right after asking the question your dog learns what it means: If I look at my mom or I stand by the door = mom asks that question = the door opens and I can go outside. This is now becoming a predictable pattern and has valuable meaning to the dog.
When we don’t talk to our dogs and don’t provide them with valuable feedback and information, they feel lost and life becomes more unpredictable. They need to feel safe and belong, and forming loving bonds with us, who after all are their caretakers, is desirable from an evolutionary perspective and crucial to their survival. They are domesticated captive species totally dependent on us for everything.
Since they have this great receptive language ability we owe it to them to help them make sense of the crazy world we have invited them into. They have no choice but to continue to try to make sense of everything that happens in their environment. They have to stay on their toes/paws to survive.
When we don’t talk to them in scary situations they are left to have to take charge and fend for themselves (and us) either by growling, barking, lunging, biting….. Often you will see people with a reactive dog on a walk where the dog is left to be concerned on his own while the parent is either not communicating - other than when the dog starts reacting - or the parent is busy looking elsewhere or being on the phone, etc. In most cases the dog is walking ahead with no one communicating to help him feel safe.
One major concern for dogs is safety = hazard avoidance. Getting into an altercation can potentially harm him and thereby threaten his survival/reproductive opportunities. Dogs, being totally dependent on us, need US to step up and become their protector/leader/teacher.
TALK to your dog to help him feel safe
If you think about it for a moment. Imagine yourself in a situation where you may feel scared/unsafe…..like being in another country where you don’t understand the language or what is going on around you - or you go to the doctor not feeling well and perhaps fearful of the worst news of a terrible illness, and the doctor is not really saying much. You will feel a lot safer if the doctor seems calm and explains what will happen next, what results you may have to be prepared for, or he tells you the good news = there is nothing to worry about.
If we provide our dogs with information about what is happening in a given situation, they will feel a lot more safe. It’s all about TRUST. Who can your dog trust in your household? Is there someone who seems to know what they are doing in scary situations, someone who steps up and gets between the dog and the scary trigger, signaling to the dog “I’ve got this!” - someone who TALKS and EXPLAINS, who uses phrases like “Ok, I have to leave now. You have to stay! I will be right back”, for example every time the person leaves - so the person doesn’t just get up and leave, say nothing, and close the door……if someone did that to YOU - how would you feel? Unless you already knew the person was leaving to go to work, for example, you would be pretty worried. “Where did you go?”, “when are you coming back?'“….this scenario would be even worse for a child who might also be totally dependent on the person. We can imagine how awful that would be for a child. It is basically no different for a dog.
Why talking to your dog makes sense in scary situations
When your dog is barking in the yard at another dog that passes by, or a cat, or a person - if you run out and shout at your dog for barking, you are essentially negating his valid emotions - that he may, from his perspective, have a legitimate concern about this scary trigger. Depending on the breed, your dog may have been bred to ‘guard’ territory or to react instantly at the sight of a critter. You just want him to be quiet. While your need can be equally valid , especially if you have neighbors who complain about your dog’s barking, you are essentially preventing him from communicating a need or concern, by trying to silence him.
If we constantly try to ‘train’ this ‘problem’ away, for example - by redirecting or teaching him to bark on cue and be quiet on cue - we are not really dealing with his underlying emotions or needs. Is that fair? Dogs bark for many different reasons of course but rather than dismissing his attempt at communicating something to you, if you instead ask him (ALWAYS IN HAPPY TONES) , “what are you barking at?” - “you wanna show me?” or “Do you want to go see?” You can then go with him to see what his concern may be and then say something like, “Oh I see! You’re concerned about that man over-there? It’s ok, that’s just the UPS guy - we don’t have to bark at him” . Every time your dog sees him from then on, say “that’s the UPS guy - we don’t have to bark at him”. THAT phrase can then become, with lots of repetition, a SAFE PATTERN and a meaningful sentence to your dog - providing him with information that YOU are not concerned about the UPS guy and so therefore your dog doesn’t need to be concerned either!
So, TALK to your dog! NAME things -everything- your dog sees and seems concerned about…..”that’s just a CAT” (every time your dog barks at the cat) or “that’s a DOG - you wanna go see the DOG?” etc.
Repetitive, conversational patterns help dogs feel safe
At The Dog Talker, we teach humans to become their dog’s Compass Coach…..the one the dog can TRUST and who provides great feedback and crucial information, the one who leads, the one who listens, and the one who communicates and protects the dog in every scary situation. ….the one who validates her concerns and helps her feel safe - by being the compass the dog needs to navigate this crazy modern life as a ‘pet’.
Dogs NEED this….more than ever!!
Psssst…..Let’s Talk!
The Dog Talker offers a class you won’t find anywhere else! Our ‘Let’s Talk!” class takes place outdoors ONLY in Saint George, South Carolina. In this class you learn how to become your dog’s Compass Coach. Our main focus is on teaching the human/dog team skills that go ‘beyond dog training’ - like HOW to talk to your dog and teaching the dogs emotional self-regulation. You will learn valuable tools to use in your home environment when people come to visit, etc. Our first class starts on January 29th 2022. Max. 6 student teams (dog/human). For more info, visit thedogtalker.com